I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
