I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
