It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
