end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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