I think I died a long time ago.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
