so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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