Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
