So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
