if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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