Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
