Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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