last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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