i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
