Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
