Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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