used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
