when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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