im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
