I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
