He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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