So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
