I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
