I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
