I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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