This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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