Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
