we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
