how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
