she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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