Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize