She said her name was "party"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Houston, we have a squirter
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
