i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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