I wanna bring you to show and tell
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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