Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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