I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
