New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
