why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
