Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
