I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
please don't ironically join a cult
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