If i come over, it means nothing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
