I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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