I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
