I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
