I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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