I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
