i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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