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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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