Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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