At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize