It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize