i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
