I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
