the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
