Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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