there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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