On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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