you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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