How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
