Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fill condoms, not promises.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
