I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
