We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
