You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
