We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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