I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize