Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize