if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
