So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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